Steps Towards Healing

Af Am Model1. Understand that you are not alone. Many have lived with this pain and experienced the same trials. Their healing has given them an understanding that can help you. They want to help you find the healing they have found, just as you may want to help others after you have finished going through the healing process.

2. Recognize that the road to full recovery will take time and effort. God’s forgiveness can be had instantly. Sorting out your feelings and overcoming the ever-present temptation to give in to despair and doubt – these things take time.

3. Recognize that you are not crazy and there is nothing wrong with you. It is normal and good to mourn the loss of a loved one. Just as mourning the loss of a parent or spouse takes time, so does mourning the loss of an aborted child. In in this case, the mourning process is often cut short and never completed because of denial or feelings of guilt. Grieve your loss in a healthy way.

4. Recognize that the pain of your loss will fade as your healing progresses. Accept your grief as normal rather than something which must be covered up or pushed away.

5. Look at your situation and face it honestly. Admit your personal responsibility but also recognize that others, too, were involved. Pray for the strength to forgive both yourself and everyone else who encouraged you to have the abortion or failed to help you avoid it.

6. Give your child over to the care of God. Know that he or she is loved, happy, and well cared for in heaven. Do not try to hold onto your child by prolonging your grief. Hold onto him or her by remembering your child’s happiness in heaven.

7. Forgive others. Recognize that they, too, acted out of ignorance, fear, or petty human selfishness. Forgiveness is a decision we make, not a feeling. Forgiveness simply means making a choice to forgive those who hurt us and to pray that one day they too are reconciled to God.

8. Forgive yourself. Remember that because your child lives in the love and mercy of God, he or she is beyond earthly malice. Your son or daughter does not resent or condemn you. Instead, your child, like God, wants you to be healed and restored to the fullness of joy and happiness so that you can be the person you were created to be.

To speak to someone who understands and can help you walk through the steps to healing, call: 1-888-456-HOPE or email:

*Taken from the Elliot Institute